Chicken Pox/Transcript
opens at Kyle's house. Breifly, we see a self-portrait of him. Then, Kyle himself comes onto the screen and sneezes a thermometer out of his mouth. He is very sick. Kyle then slumps onto his sofa and holds a book while he lays his left hand on his head Kyle: Oh, so sick. I feel like the south-end of a north bound troll. Perhaps my Necronomicon might have a cure for what ails me. fires his wand at a bookshelf. He brings Necronomicon forward Necronomicon: What do you seek from the Necronomi - Oh, dear! shows a close-up of Kyle's sick face Necronomicon: You look terrible! And I thought my face was leathery. Kyle: I know. I'm suffering, and I need a diagnosis. Necronomicon: You're in luck! Before I was the Book of the Dead, I was the Book of the Very, Very Sick. Tell me your symptoms, dear boy. Kyle: Well, my nose is runny, upset tummy, chills and shakes, pains and aches, swollen glands, clammy hands, oh, and excessive rhyming. Necronomicon: Behold, the diagnosis you seek! opens to a page. Kyle looks at it, his eyes widen Kyle: gasp Chicken Pox?!? at the camera in shock, then throws Necronomicon over his shoulder in disgust Necronomicon: Oww! Denial! The first stage of Chicken Pox! Of course, you know the horrible second stage, ooh? Kyle: Oh, enough of you, You're a bigger bore than a dictionary. Necronomicon back to his shelf Kyle: Oh, Chicken Pox! individual locks to seal the door shut Thank goodness no one saw me before it reaches the second stage. gasp The blinds! No one must see me! the blinds of his window Ah, there. Safe from -- AHH! the scream, we pull out to show Fanboy and Chum Chum who are already here. Kyle hides in the window blinds, with only his eyes to be visable Chum Chum: Hi Kyle, we heard you were sick! Kyle: Wha - how did you get in? Fanboy: You left your mail slot unlocked. Kyle: Well, what are you doing here? himself on the word "what" Chum Chum: We brought you your homework, but a dog ate it. he says this, he holds up a chewed book. They both giggle Fanboy: All the times we said it happened to us, and it happens to you. What are the odds? Kyle: Yes, well, you can't stay. his arms on Fanboy who gets confused, then tries to push him You... grunting Have to go. Fanboy: Whoa, Kyle, your push -- it's so weak! We have to get you lying down. Chum pushes the sofa over to Kyle, causing him to fly around and land on it flat Kyle: Whoa -- ow! Fanboy: Oh, that reminds me. We have to prop up your head. a pillow under Kyle's head Chum Chum: Uh, I think we're supposed to elevate his feet.a pillow under Kyle's feet Fanboy: Hm, I always heard head. another pillow under Kyle's head Chum Chum: No, I'm pretty sure it's his feet. another pillow under Kyle's feet begin rapidly placing pillows Fanboy: Head! Chum Chum: Feet! Fanboy: Head! Chum Chum: Feet! pillow war speeds up Fanboy: HEAD! Chum Chum: FEET! Fanboy: HEAD! suddenly stop Fanboy: Huh? Did you say something, Kyle? out to show a pillow-squeezed Kyle on the sofa. He can't speak, just moan, because his right foot is stuck in his mouth Chum Chum: Oh, look, he's hungry. Fanboy: Aw, would you like us to make you some of your favorite British foods, huh? What would you like, some nice cow hoof soup? face turns green as he gags Whoop! Green means go. race off to the kitchen. Kyle flops the pillows away and takes his foot out of his mouth Kyle: I don’t require any food! What I need is for you! to leave and not! come ba-gawk! hands on mouth Oh, no. It’s starting. his head like a chicken Oh, dear. Oh, dear. right arm begins flapping Oh, no you don't. other arm starts flapping Get down, you! both arms. Clucks while doing a hilarious chicken dance around the room opens the kitchen door to check on Kyle Fanboy: Hey, Kyle, all you have is diet sheep guts -- him pecking on the floor Uh, what are you doing? Kyle: Oh! Um, just looking for some millet seed. I mean, a papercluck -- clip! a chicken Paperclip! Fanboy: Uh, well, you won't find any down there, we're using them to fasten the sheep guts. bleats Now, get back to bed! Kyle: Bak-ack! Fanboy: Yes, back-ack! To bed! sheesley. door Kyle: Oh, that was close. I can't let them see me like this. I have to get out of here! chicken dances over to the door and right when he reaches his right arm out to turn the doorknob, it turns into a chicken wing and it couldn't Kyle: Ba-gawk! left arm becomes a wing, too Ba-gawk!! hands on mouth and bows down. When he raises up and removes his wings, he sees a beak in place of his wizard lips Ba-gawk! Chum Chum: the kitchen, in singsong voice Hope you're hungry, Kyle, 'cause we're coming through the door any second now. Kyle: I've gotta hide! Oh - I g - bawk! the kitchen door. It opens to reveal Fanboy and Chum Chum. Fanboy is carrying a tray of sheep guts Fanboy: Okay, lunchtime. Get these guts while they're hot. pause Kyle? perspective. Pan slowly through the living room as the clock ticks, we stop on the clock. The clock strikes 3:00, zooming in on it with each strike. On the third, the cuckoo door opens and Kyle bursts out, clucking. He is not a wizard anymore, he is now a huge red chicken with bright orange feathers. The only things that are normal on him are his head and braces, though a comb is sticking up in front of the flips on the top of Kyle's head and his braces are circled by a beak. F&C scream in horror. Kyle clucks one last time before falling off the cuckoo line and landing behind the sofa Chum Chum: Did you see that? Fanboy: Yeah. That giant chicken monster ate our pal Kyle. Chum Chum: Let's beat on it till it coughs him up. let out a battle cry, then jump up and land on Kyle. They start to beat him up Fanboy: Feel that! flies all over the place Get him! Kyle: and crashing Stop! You nincompoops! and clucking It's me... hit in the butt Your school chum, Kyle! stop battling him Fanboy: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa, wait a minute. That accent! Those braces! That coxcomb and wattle! It is Kyle! Kyle: Of course it's me, ba-gawk! This is what happens to wizards, when they get the chicken pox! Chum Chum: Wow, all I got were itchy bumps. the camera And comic books from my nana. Fanboy: Wow, you're sicker than we thought. Kyle: Don't look at me. I'm embarrassed. crying Fanboy: You shouldn't be embarrassed, Kyle. You have very plump thighs. Chum Chum: Um...Kyle? So what do you have to do to get better? Kyle: Oh, you know, the usual: Bed rest, plenty of fluids, lay an egg. the last sentence, he covers his mouth with his left wing Fanboy: I'm sorry. what was the last part? The words kind of got caught in your gizzard. Kyle: The cure is... I... fast Have to lay an egg, all right?! Satisfied? Happy?! a moment the boys are silent. Then, Fanboy & Chum Chum start cracking up Kyle: It's not funny! Fanboy: Sorry, Kyle. We were only..."yolking"! laugh again, harder Chum Chum: Yeah, I'm sure your illness won't be - "over easy". laugh again, even harder. Kyle starts to grumble Fanboy: Oh, oh, I got a good one! An egg's gonna come out of your butt! laugh the hardest of all and couldn't control it Kyle: Oh, shut the ba-gawk and leave at once! Chum Chum: Maybe we can help you. Kyle: No! I can't go while you're watching. I mean -- I just need some peace and quiet in which to do my business. Fanboy: We understand. Kyle's chicken butt You're trying to keep your dignity. Kyle: Yes. Fanboy: Come on, Chum Chum. Chum takes a picture Let's leave so Kyle can squeeze out his butt egg. walk out into the hall Kyle: Finally. Oh, the stress those two cause. on his bed of feathers Now I can relax and let nature take its course. asleep a moment all is silent, then blowers start going off Fanboy & Chum Chum: 'Surprise! ''gobbles and hops upward. F&C come in, wearing party hats and carrying blowers in their mouthes '''Chum Chum: the camera Where'd Kyle go? look at his nest, then upwards. Kyle is on the chandelier, clucking as if startled Fanboy: It's okay, Kyle. We just wanted to throw you an eggwarming party. Chum Chum: And we got you a gift. Look. at a chicken roost Kyle: I don't need a party, and I most certainly don't want a -- pleased Oh, is that a roost? Fanboy: Yep. With your very own nest. Let me get it nice and tamped down for you. the straw with his feet Kyle: Stop! stops That's not how you tamp. You're crushing the straw. properly This is how you tamp down a nest. Tamp, tamp, tamp. the third "tamp", he falls off Ow! Oh. and groaning I can't breathe. muttering Oh, stop. Fanboy: Chum Chum Ew. is he okay? Chum Chum: Squawk it off, Kyle. flies upward and smacks them out of frame Kyle: That's it! You idiots are both going into the cone of silence. uses his beak to wave his wand and cast the spell. Fanboy & Chum Chum try to escape but couldn't, as they're now surrounded by a huge, plastic dome. They slam into it, then slide down Fanboy: Uh, actually, it's more of a dome. Kyle: Oops, forgot to hit "Mute". a remote Fanboy and Chum Chum: Kyle -- bars appear over them and diminish to mute. Their dialogue is inaudible outside the dome Kyle: sighs Ah, music to my ear holes. the dome Fanboy: Kyle! KYLE!!! Chum Chum Wow, he really can't hear us. Chum Chum: It's like being in a fish tank. his face on the dome and sucks on it Hey, I'm a suckerfish. Look, I'm bottom feeding. Fanboy: giggles Hey, I wanna try. in the sucking can watch them from outside Kyle: the camera Well, that'll keep them busy for 10 or 12 hours. returns to his roost Kyle: sighs Sweet silence. Okay, Kyle, it's time to make an egg. hard to poop the egg out Just a little egg. grunting Come on! It doesn't have to be grade "a" jumbo! sighs Maybe some coffee and a bran muffin to help things along? down to the dome and smacks it, scoffs, and walks away the dome, Fanboy is still bottom feeding when he sees Kyle's wand right in front of his feet Fanboy: Hey, look! it up Kyle left us his conductor stick. Chum Chum: Ooh! Conduct me, conduct me! up a pair of cymbals clears his throat as he raises the wand and an orchestra warms up sound is heard. He taps on the music stand, which activates it! It fires a pink aura out of the dome and onto Kyle, who is on the roost and drinking some coffee while reading the newspaper. He notices the aura on his stomach Kyle: chicken noise That looks like the beam from my -- at Fanboy using the wand and gasps Oh, no, no, no, no, no! Hello! Put my magic wand down. Do you hear me? to shutting off the volume, Fanboy takes no notice of Kyle as he rises the wand upward which drags Kyle along. The 1812 Overture starts, and as Fanboy waves the wand around while Chum Chum bangs his cymbals, Kyle is dragged by the aura and crashes into various parts of the room (Song: Fanboy's Orchestra Song) Fanboy: Dah-da dah-da dah-da dah-da da da I wish I knew the words to this song I like waving this thing in the air I feel like I got a lightsaber Dah-da dah-da dah-da da da Dah-da dah-da dah-da dah-da da da Dah-da dah-da dah-da dah-da da da starts to end the song by making "dragging" motions with the wand, which drags Kyle on the floor. Then, after the final cymbal crash, Fanboy raises his arms upward slowly, and Kyle hits the chandelier which releases a shower of sparks. Kyle then falls onto the roof of the dome, burnt and tired Fanboy: Look, Kyle's here! Maybe he laid his egg! tosses the wand over his shoulder and it hits the dome. It disappears; Kyle hits the ground and groans. Fanboy: Did you see us, Kyle? We were playing orchestra! And I always thought old people music was boring. Chum Chum: But it's not. It's loud! that moment, Kyle raises upward, gobbling angry. He turns toward Fanboy & Chum Chum, who's excited expressions were replaced by frightened ones Kyle: You two! I'm going to wrap my wings around your -- Chum Chum: Kyle, calm down. You're starting to fricassee. is a loud burp sound. Kyle looks down as he suddenly floats upward a little. He gasps as the camera pans down to reveal his chicken egg! Fanboy: Kyle, your egg! You did it! Kyle: I did! I laid the egg! it up I'm cured! Chum Chum: Um, you don't look cured. Kyle: gasping Something's gone wrong. This is all your fault, you made me lay a bad egg. I got so mad, I probably hard-boiled it! And now, I'm going to be a chicken for the rest of my life! Fanboy: Oh, no! Don't worry, Kyle. We can make it better. Chum Chum: Yeah, maybe if we shake it. the egg and shakes it Kyle: No. it back Unhand my -- ba-gawk -- egg! Fanboy: the egg Let me help! start wrestling over the egg Chum Chum: Careful. grunt as they wrestle, then they suddenly fall on each other. The egg hits the ground and cracks on the bottom. They all gasp Fanboy and Chum Chum: Oops. is in a rage once more. F&C are undeniably scared Kyle: You! I'm gonna peck your feet so hard! is a cracking noise. It's coming from the egg! The main 3 stare at it, then an Elf Doctor comes out Fanboy, Chum Chum and Kyle: Oh! Chum Chum: So that's where doctors come from. Elf Doctor tiptoes over to Kyle and waves his wand, knocking him out of frame Kyle: Ow! & Chum Chum rush over to him and are surprised when he stands up. Kyle is no longer a chicken! He is now back to his regular, wizard self! Kyle: Grr! at his now normal hands Hmm? I'm back to normal! Thank you, Dr. Elfman. Elf Doctor: Uh, word of advice? Eat more roughage. disappears Fanboy: Hey, Kyle, now that you're better, why don't we watch a movie? Kyle: grumbles Or -- now that I have my strength back, why don't I push you two out the door! are confused once more as Kyle once again tries to push them out. He grunts hard, but even though he has his strength back, it is so hard to push just two normal-sized superheroes Chum Chum: Yippee! Movie! Fanboy: I'll pop the popcorn! Kyle's wand Kyle: No! late! The screen is covered in smoke. When the smoke goes away, we see that the main 3 have turned into giant ears of corn due to the fact that Fanboy used the wand and he's not a wizard Kyle: Talk about a corny ending. out as the episode appears to be over, then the Elf Doctor comes through the iris and waves his wand. He disappears, leaving behind a shower of sparkles, officially ending the episode. Category:Transcripts